Saturday, January 23, 2016
Trump Declares Hummus Un-American
On the stump today in Sioux City, Iowa, Donald Trump declared that Hummus was un-American and urged his supporters to immediately boycott the product.
"I have it on good authority that this is a very popular food in most parts of the Middle East, very very popular, and many people have told me, so many people, that hummus is primarily what is eaten by Islamic terrorists. It's huge"
He went on to say that carpet bombing the vast hummus fields in the deserts of Iraq and Iran would be a death blow to Isis.
"We can only make America great again when we've eliminated hummus completely."
Local Iowa supermarkets were immediately overrun by Trump supporters, who gathered up all the hummus they could carry. Large piles of hummus containers were stacked up in parking lots, doused with gasoline, and lit on fire.
We interviewed one supporter who said; "We need to do whatever The Donald says, cuz he's our only hope to make America white... I mean great... again. Smell that smoke? It smells like victory!"
To this reporter it just smelled like burnt garlic with a hint of lemon.